I want to share with
you a dream that I had last night. I dreamt I was kneeling at the corner of my
red patterned couch. At the beginning of this dream I had a memory of kneeling
in this same spot and being knighted by a long sword on my 13th
birthday, marking my emergence into manhood. Here I was again, kneeling in
youth; infantile. To the left of my body stood a large cross. It was ornate, silver
and stylized with golden inlays and jewels. In my right hand, I held a small
wooden cross. It was simple. Two rectangular sticks tacked together by a tiny
nail at the union. It fit perfectly in my hand.
During the dream a
figure sat behind me. He was dressed in beautiful, pure white robe-like
garments that radiated brilliant light. I could not see his face, but I could
see his hairy arm and hand as it gently rested on my shoulder.
In the dream I was convulsing
with so much emotional pain. Tears ran down my eyes like rain and my breaths
were short. It felt too real. I had to make a choice. The beautiful cross to my
left offered a life full of riches and wealth and sex. The little cross in my
right hand offered a life with Jesus. That is all. I knew that all my wishes
would come true if I chose the large cross and I wanted it so terribly. I also
knew, if I chose that life, I would not have Jesus. The little cross was
ambiguous.
The man filled the
space with so much compassion and love. He did not persuade me to any decision,
but kept patient with his hand upon me. I felt guilty that the choice was
difficult to make. I was so weak as my indecisiveness continued over which life
I wanted to live.
My heart finally broke
and I fell to the floor with a storm of emotion that swept over me in such fervor
I have never felt. My decision had been made. I cried out “I choose a life with
Jesus!”
This dream occurred
during a night of intense emotional pain. I was upset over decisions I had made
with transferring colleges. I believed I had left for the wrong reasons and I
would have been happier staying at my previous college. I had turned the
situation into such a waking nightmare. It tormented me as I tossed around all
the pros and cons of my decision, wishing time could be opened up like a clock to
wind back. Granted, this distress has lasted the 2 years since I left my first school.
I cried a prayer out loud to God to bring me resolution and comfort. I prayed
with certainty for I knew God would answer. God answers my prayers through my
dreams and it is only on extraordinary occasion that I consciously ask him to
specifically give me clarification in dreams when I feel I need it most.
Examining this dream,
I have some thoughts towards its meaning. Beginning with the crosses:
The large, elaborately decorated cross is
deceptive. A life of success and wealth is deceptive. It is disguised as abundant
happiness. Beautiful and glamorous from the outside but the silver is hard and
reflective. Silver is malleable and can be formed into many shapes but it stays
reflective. Jesus cannot enter the hearts of those that are filled with shiny
objects. He will only see his reflection, not you. This cross is placed to my
left. It stands tall and alone. It does not touch my body.
The simple wooden
cross fits well in my right hand. A life with Jesus is not easy to find. It
will present itself in the simplest things. It is found by those who are
seeking it. And once it has been found, it will stay close in your grasp. Wood
can be carved and used to build large structures. Let Jesus into your heart to
build his permanent home. Wood can also burn as a life with Jesus can turn to
ashes. Unlike silver, wood is renewable and structures can be rebuilt.
The dream answered my
prayer. It brought resolution to my struggle. In the dream I chose a life with Jesus.
To me this means that I need to be conscious of my surrender to Jesus. I am in
his hands and I trust that everything is happening for His reason. I also
learned I need to let go of my desire to have a life of wealth and fame.
The man behind me in
the dream was heaven-sent and tenderly provides his support, patience and love
as I am knighted from youth to manhood in my journey with God.
Have faith in the
unknown and surrender to the path and plans He leads.
Become one with Him
under the His Greater Plan. He loves and holds you tight in his grasp.
